I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
