when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
