I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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