I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize