He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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