Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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