I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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