isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
