you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
