Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
ugly people sure do ruin things
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
