So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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