it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
