On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize