I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
is that a dick in a sweater?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
