how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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