i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
