u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
