I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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