Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
