Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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