I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need a beard to bite.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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