found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
