Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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