you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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