this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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