I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
