I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
