I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
