why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
