He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
