she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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