A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
