Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
