I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
