is your mom at the bar?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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