Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
