My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I bet he comes in French.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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