I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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