I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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