also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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