he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Someone shattered a urinal.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
