u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just found puke in my bra..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
