You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
