she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
