I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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