She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
