Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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