toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she woke up with a sticky ear
this just has baby written all over it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
