ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
