i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
