Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
