never play flip cup with pint glasses
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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