Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
