At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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