Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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