i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
