you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
