And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
