I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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