I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
