You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
