how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
