well I can't set my house on fire every night
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
