i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
