69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
