hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
