I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
