So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I love you. Go after that dick
This toilet bowl is my home.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
