Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
