He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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