I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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