Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
