Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize