I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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