White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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