is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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