just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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