Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
