you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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