Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think a kid would responsible me up
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
